Three Subtle Behaviors That Undermine Your Success, According to a Psychologist
In the complex tapestry of human behaviour, certain patterns can unknowingly harm our mental health and long-term well-being. Recent research and expert analyses have identified a series of self-sabotaging habits that, although providing temporary relief, ultimately reinforce emotional dysregulation and poor mental health outcomes.
One such habit is over-apologising and people-pleasing, stemming from subconscious feelings of unworthiness. This behaviour, which constantly prioritises others' approval over personal needs, leads to chronic stress and emotional exhaustion [1]. Ignoring personal boundaries is another harmful practice, as allowing others to overstep limits can cause emotional drain, loss of self-trust, and vulnerability to manipulation or gaslighting [1].
Avoidance strategies, such as chronic difficulty saying "no," withdrawing from social situations, procrastinating, and dodging potentially judgmental interactions, may offer immediate relief but reinforce patterns of shame, anxiety, and depression over time by preventing healthy coping and growth [2]. Excessive rumination and self-criticism trap individuals in cycles of shame and guilt, worsening depression and anxiety symptoms [2].
Addiction to external validation, seeking approval through social media likes or other means, creates dopamine-driven addictive behaviours, fostering dependency on others' opinions rather than internal self-worth [1]. Engaging in health risk behaviours to cope with stress, such as substance use or risky sexual activities, ultimately harms physical and mental well-being [5].
Self-limiting beliefs, holding negative, restrictive beliefs about oneself, can prevent individuals from reaching their potential, contributing to ongoing patterns of self-sabotage [4]. Overachievement and the inability to slow down, driven by unresolved psychological or developmental issues, can lead to burnout, anxiety, and diminished self-esteem [3].
Emotional regulation plays a crucial role in overcoming these self-sabotaging habits. Practicing self-compassion, treating oneself with kindness and allowing oneself to receive support when needed, is essential [6]. Emotional regulation includes positive coping strategies such as reframing negative thoughts, practicing grounding techniques, and seeking professional mental health support [6].
Recognising self-sabotaging habits can empower individuals to choose differently and practice helpful coping strategies. Consistently sabotaging sleep by staying up late can be a form of escapism, often used to avoid thoughts and emotions from the day. Naming emotions out loud can help reduce their hold over you [7].
Addressing these self-sabotaging habits requires conscious awareness and replacing harmful patterns with healthier routines and boundaries [1][2]. By understanding these patterns and taking proactive steps to change, individuals can work towards improved mental health and overall well-being.
References: [1] Psychology Today. (2023). The 7 Deadly Sins of Self-Sabotage. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-7-deadly-sins-self-sabotage [2] Healthline. (2023). 15 Signs You're Self-Sabotaging Your Life. Retrieved from https://www.healthline.com/health/self-sabotage [3] Forbes. (2023). The Hidden Costs of Overachievement. Retrieved from https://www.forbes.com/sites/ashleystahl/2018/08/22/the-hidden-costs-of-overachievement/?sh=73a63648780d [4] Verywell Mind. (2023). Self-Limiting Beliefs. Retrieved from https://www.verywellmind.com/self-limiting-beliefs-4174413 [5] Addiction Center. (2023). The Link Between Addiction and Self-Sabotage. Retrieved from https://www.addictioncenter.com/co-occurring/self-sabotage/ [6] Mayo Clinic. (2023). Emotional regulation. Retrieved from https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/stress/in-depth/emotional-regulation/art-20047644 [7] HelpGuide. (2023). How to Manage Your Emotions. Retrieved from https://www.helpguide.org/articles/emotional-health/how-to-manage-your-emotions.htm
- Escapism through repeatedly sabotaging sleep by delaying bedtime, as a means to avoid confronting daily thoughts and emotions, can be linked to unhealthy mental health outcomes.
- In the realm of science, there exists a multitude of studies showcasing adverse effects on health-and-wellness and mental-health caused by self-sabotaging habits such as procrastination, emotional avoidance, and fear of failure, identifed as coping mechanisms that ultimately reinforce patterns of poor mental health. [1][2][7] [References: 1: Psychology Today, 2: Healthline, 7: HelpGuide]
