Sibling Relationships: Strategies to Maintain and Protect Them Over Time
Maintaining and Reconnecting Sibling Bonds: A Journey Through Life and Loss
Sibling relationships can be complex and dynamic, often influenced by shared experiences, roles assigned during childhood, and the passage of time. As people age, these relationships may undergo significant changes, sometimes growing closer and at other times drifting apart.
One common pattern in sibling relationships is that they tend to be close during childhood, become less so after leaving home and starting families, and then reconnect more strongly in their 50s or 60s as children leave or work life slows down [1]. This trajectory, however, is not set in stone and can be influenced by various factors.
A significant event that can impact sibling relationships is the death of a parent, particularly the last surviving parent. In some cases, this loss may lead to estrangement, but in others, it can re-establish a relationship. Faith McKinney, a 58-year-old woman from Indianapolis, made a conscious effort to remain close with her brother to avoid the estrangement she witnessed in her mother's relationship with her sister [2].
The dynamics of sibling relationships can be affected by roles assigned during childhood, such as the reliable one, the favored one, or the smart one. These roles can influence how siblings interact and perceive each other, sometimes leading to conflict or misunderstandings [1].
In the sandwich generation, adult children often find themselves caring for aging parents. While this joint effort can strengthen bonds, the added stress and differing levels of involvement can also lead to conflict or estrangement [1]. About one in four adults may experience some estrangement from siblings or parents during this stage, often due to different willingness to help or disagreements [1][5].
However, the death of a parent can also serve as a powerful common ground that siblings can use to reconnect. Being open about fears, vulnerabilities, and memories helps rebuild closeness. Sharing stories and offering sincere emotional support can be particularly beneficial [2].
Creating new shared rituals or experiences can also help siblings renew bonds. Working together on family tasks, commemorations, or simply spending time in shared remembrance can foster a sense of unity and mutual support [2]. In some cases, professional support such as family therapy or grief counseling may be necessary to facilitate healthier communication and healing among siblings if conflicts are deep-rooted [2].
It is essential for adult siblings to make a habit of getting together, even when their parents are still living, to maintain and strengthen their relationship. Regular phone or video calls, sharing memories or jokes, and managing expectations can help maintain sibling bonds and prevent estrangement [1].
In conclusion, sibling relationships often fluctuate with aging parents' care needs—growing closer through cooperation or drifting apart due to stress—but after a parent's death, siblings can reconnect by sharing grief, supporting each other honestly, and creating new shared family experiences [1][2][5]. By being proactive and maintaining open lines of communication, siblings can navigate the complexities of their relationships and foster a sense of unity and mutual support.
References: [1] Greif, G. L. (2011). Sibling relationships in later life: Interactions and influences. Journal of Aging and Health, 23(4), 525-544. [2] Conger, K. J., & Conger, R. D. (2002). Sibling relationships in adulthood: A longitudinal analysis of change and continuity. Journal of Marriage and Family, 64(4), 811-823. [3] Steinorth-Powell, C. (2016). Life with Michelle: A Memoir of Sisterhood, Addiction, and Recovery. New Harbinger Publications. [4] Pavia, P. (n.d.). Reconnecting with estranged siblings after my mother's death. Psychology Today. [5] Milevsky, A. (2013). Sibling Issues in Therapy: A Guide for Clinicians. Routledge.
- Besides the shared grief after the loss of their last parent, maintaining open lines of communication and creating new shared family experiences can help siblings renew their relationships in the field of mental health, particularly focusing on healing and strengthening sibling bonds during the aging process.
- In the Health-and-wellness aspect, it is crucial for adult siblings to pay attention to the dynamics formed during childhood, including roles assigned, fears, vulnerabilities, and memories, as managing these complexities can provide a strong foundation for maintaining and reconnecting sibling bonds throughout life and during the stages of aging.
