Impact on women from the shrinking social circles of men: Insight into the emotional strain felt by women due to decreased male social interaction
In today's fast-paced world, the term "mankeeping" has emerged as a significant discussion point in relationship dynamics. This concept highlights the often unseen and unreciprocated emotional labor women perform to support the emotional and social wellbeing of men in their lives.
Coined by Angelica Puzio Ferrara, a postdoctoral fellow at Stanford University, mankeeping refers to the work women do to meet the social and emotional needs of the men in their lives. This work can range from acting as emotional anchors and unofficial therapists to social organizers and mood managers, often without receiving equivalent support in return.
The term is a modern twist on "kinkeeping," a traditional concept that refers to how women maintain family emotional connections. Mankeeping, however, specifically focuses on the emotional and social support gaps created by men’s generally smaller social networks and lesser emotional outlets.
This dynamic can lead to emotional burnout and frustration for women, as the labor is ongoing and often unseen, contributing to relationship strain. Many women report feeling overwhelmed by this expectation, leading some to reconsider or step back from traditional caregiving roles in relationships.
The impact on relationships is significant. Women may feel undervalued, exhausted, or resentful as they provide constant emotional support without sufficient reciprocation. Men, on the other hand, may become increasingly dependent on women as their primary source of emotional care, sometimes lacking other meaningful social supports.
Experts such as Justin Pere, a therapist in Seattle, and Tracy Dalgleish, a psychologist, agree that men need social connections and emotional support from friends. They emphasize the importance of men investing emotionally in friendships and being more assertive in seeking out and maintaining friendships.
Richard Reeves, president of the American Institute for Boys and Men, notes that societal changes have made it harder for men to organically form friendships. He suggests that men need to take small steps to deepen existing friendships, such as sharing something new about themselves or trying new activities with friends.
In a 2021 survey, 15% of men said they didn't have any close friends, a stark increase from the 3% reported in 1990. This highlights the importance of addressing the issue of mankeeping and encouraging men to seek out and maintain healthy friendships.
Eve Tilley-Colson, a 37-year-old attorney in Los Angeles, finds herself offering her boyfriend a fair amount of social and emotional scaffolding in their relationship. After discussing the concept of mankeeping, her boyfriend, Glenn, has made efforts to even out the emotional burden in their relationship.
Content creator Justin Lioi, a licensed clinical social worker in Brooklyn, specializes in therapy for men. Much of his straight male clients rarely open up to anyone but their girlfriends or wives, which he attributes to societal norms and expectations around masculinity.
Mankeeping reflects and perpetuates outdated gender roles regarding emotional labor, affecting intimacy and balance within relationships. It is essential to understand men’s experiences and social needs without assuming all men want or require the same level of social engagement, highlighting the complexity in the social and emotional expectations at play.
In conclusion, mankeeping captures a widespread but previously unnamed pattern where women shoulder disproportionate emotional labor for men, affecting relationship dynamics by creating imbalances in care and support. Encouraging men to invest emotionally in friendships, be more assertive in seeking out and maintaining friendships, and understanding the complexities of emotional labor can help to address this issue and promote healthier relationships.
[1] Ferrara, A. P. (2020). Mankeeping: The Invisible Emotional Labor Women Perform for Men. Stanford University. [2] Pere, J. (2021). The Importance of Emotional Investment in Men's Friendships. Seattle Therapy Centre. [3] Reeves, R. (2021). Understanding Men's Emotional Needs: A Modern Perspective. American Institute for Boys and Men. [4] Dalgleish, T. (2021). The Role of Emotional Support in Men's Friendships. Psychology Today. [5] Tilley-Colson, E. (2021). Mankeeping: The Unseen Emotional Labor Women Perform for Men. TikTok.
- The concept of mankeeping, as discussed by Angelica Puzio Ferrara, highlights the mental-health and emotional-labor aspects of the relationships women maintain with the men in their lives.
- It is important for men to invest emotionally in friendships and seek out and maintain healthy relationships, as suggested by therapists Justin Pere and Tracy Dalgleish.
- Understanding the complexities of emotional labor and mental-health needs in men can help address the issue of mankeeping and promote healthier relationships, as pointed out by Richard Reeves, the president of the American Institute for Boys and Men.
