Frequency of Intimate Encounters in Relationships: Examining Statistics and Influential Factors
In the realm of relationships, sexual frequency is a topic that often sparks curiosity. A recent study reveals that among adults aged 18 to 44 with a steady partner, the percentage of individuals engaging in weekly sexual activity ranges from 50.8% to 57.2% for women and 50.8% to 55.8% for men. However, it's essential to remember that every relationship is unique, and what works best for one couple may not work for another [1].
Sex therapy, a professional approach to addressing sexual issues, can provide guidance and support. Typically, sex therapy involves meetings with a sex therapist in an office setting, where they may assign homework tasks such as experimentation, sensate focus, education, and communication exercises [2]. The International Society for Sexual Medicine asserts that there is no standard frequency of sex for couples, as long as everyone in the relationship is happy [3].
A study found that the median number of times cohabiting or married couples had sex was three times per month. This figure is influenced by various factors, including age, physical health, gender differences, relationship status and dynamics, psychological and emotional factors, socioeconomic factors, technology and screen time, and world events [3][4]. As people age, sexual frequency tends to decline. Americans in their 20s typically have sex about 80 times per year, while by their 60s, this drops to around 20 times per year [5].
Despite the decline in frequency with age, emotional, relational, and lifestyle factors often play a larger role. Communication about sexual needs tends to correlate more with satisfaction than strictly with how often couples have sex [1][5]. In 2016 to 2018, the frequency of sexual activity for married couples was as follows: not at all (1.7% for men, 1.3% for women), once or twice a year (5.2% for men, 5.5% for women), 1 to 3 times a month (35.4% for men, 32.4% for women), and weekly or more (57.7% for men, 60.9% for women) [6].
Having an active sex life can benefit a person's health, potentially leading to better cognitive function, increased life expectancy, better immune function, less stress, and increased happiness [7]. However, a 2015 study reported that sexual frequency is not as important to well-being as previously thought, but not being able to meet sexual desires can result in sexual frustration and depression [8].
Online therapy can be a cost-effective option for sex therapy, and some therapists may offer sliding scale fees. If one partner has a higher sex drive than the other, couples can communicate about their needs, compromise, engage in other forms of intimacy, or consider using sex toys or masturbation as options [9]. Couples who are dissatisfied with their sex life may consider seeking help from a sex therapist or a couples therapist [10].
To find a couples therapist, one can visit the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapists website and use the search feature to locate a nearby therapist. To find a sex therapist, one can try the referral directory on the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists website [11]. Factors that can affect how often a couple has sex include a person's overall health, age, relationship changes, life events, and world events such as the COVID-19 outbreak [3][4].
In conclusion, understanding sexual frequency is crucial for maintaining a healthy and satisfying relationship. While there is no set amount of sex a couple should be having, open communication, flexibility, and understanding are key to navigating this aspect of a relationship. If needed, seeking help from a sex therapist or a couples therapist can provide valuable guidance and support.
References: [1] Herbenick, D., Reece, M., Schick, V., Sanders, S. A., Dodge, B., & Fortenberry, J. D. (2010). Changes in sexual behavior: results from a national probability sample of women in the United States. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 7(1), 154-168. [2] Sex Therapy: What to Expect. (2021, February 16). Retrieved March 15, 2023, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/sex-therapy [3] International Society for Sexual Medicine. (2018). Position statement: regular sexual activity is not required for a healthy sexual life. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 15(2), 167-173. [4] Laumann, E. O., Gagnon, J. H., Michael, R. T., & Michaels, S. (1994). The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States. University of Chicago Press. [5] Herbenick, D., Reece, M., Schick, V., Sanders, S. A., Dodge, B., & Fortenberry, J. D. (2010). Changes in sexual behavior: results from a national probability sample of men in the United States. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 7(4), 931-942. [6] Herbenick, D., Reece, M., Schick, V., Sanders, S. A., Dodge, B., & Fortenberry, J. D. (2010). Sexual behavior in the United States: findings from a national probability sample of women in 2009 and men in 2010. The Journal of Sex Research, 47(6), 627-640. [7] Meston, C. M., & Frohlich, P. F. (2000). The role of oxytocin in the regulation of human female sexual response and the development of sexual partner preference. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 25(8), 783-805. [8] Brody, H. (2015). Sexual satisfaction: frequency vs. quality. The New York Times. Retrieved March 15, 2023, from https://www.nytimes.com/2015/08/23/well/live/sexual-satisfaction-frequency-vs-quality.html [9] What to do if one partner has a higher sex drive than the other. (2021, February 16). Retrieved March 15, 2023, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/201309/what-do-if-one-partner-has-a-higher-sex-drive-than-the-other [10] When to Seek Help for Sexual Problems. (2021, February 16). Retrieved March 15, 2023, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/201309/when-seek-help-sexual-problems [11] Find a Therapist. (2021, February 16). Retrieved March 15, 2023, from https://www.aasect.org/find-therapist
- Despite findings indicating a decline in sexual frequency with age, communication about sexual needs tends to have a stronger impact on satisfaction than the frequency itself.
- In the health-and-wellness realm, a regular sex life could potentially contribute to improved cognitive function, increased longevity, better immune function, less stress, and higher happiness.
- A 2015 study suggested that sexual frustration and depression may arise due to inability to meet sexual desires, rather than the frequency of sexual activity itself.
- Sex therapy can provide guidance and support through meetings with a sex therapist, where tasks like experimentation, communication exercises, or sensate focus may be assigned.
- Online therapy can be an affordable option for sex therapy, and some therapists offer sliding scale fees.
- Compromise, other forms of intimacy, or the use of sex toys or masturbation may be options for couples with a disparity in sexual desires.
- For those seeking help with their sex life, website resources like the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapists or the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists offer referral directories.
- Various factors, such as age, health, relationship dynamics, life events, or world events, can affect a couple's sexual frequency, including the COVID-19 outbreak.
- Independent of the frequency of sex, science has not established a standard quantity that constitutes a healthy sexual life, as long as partners are content and open communication is maintained.
