Burning out from relentless overachievement? Here's the guidance I wish I'd received before reaching my limit, offered by Dorothy Herson:
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Hey there! Ever feel like you're pushing yourself non-stop, but it's never enough? You might be what they call an 'insecure overachiever' - someone who's ambitious, capable, and driven... but also plagued by self-doubt.
I've never considered myself particularly brilliant or gifted. I just work my butt off, driven by the belief that if I don't excel, I'll disappear. In college, I studied like a maniac to compensate for what I saw as my inadequacies. And when I landed a job at a top-tier law firm, I felt a brief moment of relief... until I realized that this fear I was running from was coming from within.
That's what sets insecure overachievers apart from confident high performers. The latter are motivated by purpose, curiosity, and the joy of learning. Insecure overachievers, on the other hand, are driven by fears: fear of failure, fear of not being good enough, fear that if we stop achieving, we'll stop mattering.
The term was coined by Professor Laura Empson while researching high-flyers in elite firms.
Dorothy Herson is a mental health activist and author of The Rag Doll Contract.
In workplaces, insecure overachievers are a dream come true. They're dedicated, relentless, and self-policing. They don't need micromanaging because they micromanage themselves. But this mindset is exploited by organizations that rely on their anxiety, creating a symbiotic (and sometimes exploitative) relationship.
This anxiety-driven mindset often develops in childhood. Some of us were only praised when we performed. Others grew up in chaotic environments, where achievement became our armor - a way to feel in control. We learned young that to be safe, we had to be exceptional.
Research suggests that women, especially, may be especially vulnerable. Controlled to be both likable and competent, and often working in systems not designed for them, many women internalize the pressure to perform perfectly, judge themselves harshly when they fall short, and link their performance to their self-worth.
As adults, we carry these patterns from childhood into the workplace. But unlike school, where success is measurable and feedback is clear, the world of work is full of ambiguity. You rarely know how well you're doing, or how your efforts are perceived. You assume you're not doing enough - and push yourself harder, just in case.
Eventually, this drive becomes compulsive. You work through lunch. You stay late even when it's not required. You check your emails on holiday. You re-read messages over and over before pressing send. You crave praise but struggle to accept it. When someone compliments your work, you think: they're just being polite.
You lie awake replaying conversations, dissecting perceived mistakes. And even when you do accomplish something big, the high is short-lived. You move the goalposts. What's next?
Many senior leaders, the ones who appear calm and in control, are battling the same inner critic. They just hide it well. And because no one talks about it, everyone assumes it's just them.
To break the cycle, try these shifts in thinking:
Rest isn't indulgent - it's essential. Try not to treat rest like a reward for productivity. It's part of the process. Your output is only as sustainable as your recovery.
Accept praise without interrogation. When someone compliments your work, resist the urge to doubt it or jump straight into the next task. Say thank you. Let it sink in.
Success doesn't always mean progress. Notice which achievements truly fulfill you - and which just keep you on the treadmill. Not everything worth doing has to lead somewhere.
Set boundaries - and honor them. You don't have to be reachable 24/7 to be valuable. Protect your time like you protect your deadlines.
Redefine what 'enough' means. Sometimes doing your best looks like slowing down. Sometimes 'good enough' is more than enough.
Being an insecure overachiever doesn't make you weak - it makes you human. And once you recognize the pattern, you can begin to loosen its grip.
- Dorothy Herson is a mental health activist and author of The Rag Doll Contract
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Enrichment
- Coping Strategies for Perfectionism:
- Recognize the link between overachievement and early lack of parental support.
- Practice separating self-worth from external validation by setting boundaries around work performance.
- Embrace "progress over perfection" and use visualization techniques to imagine successful outcomes without fixating on flawless execution.
- Challenge limiting beliefs like "I must excel to be valued" and replace them with self-compassionate mantras.
- Dealing with Self-Doubt:
- Combat social paranoia by reminding yourself that others' opinions often reflect their own insecurities, not your flaws.
- Develop selective resilience by accepting that occasional criticism doesn’t define your abilities.
- Gradually expose yourself to anxiety-provoking tasks to desensitize fear of failure.
- Environmental Adjustments:
- Surround yourself with people who celebrate imperfections, reducing the pressure to overperform.
- Audit coping mechanisms and replace avoidance/masking behaviors with strategies addressing root causes of insecurity.
- Professional Support:
- Work with a coach or therapist to unpack childhood patterns driving overachievement and develop tools for emotional regulation during setbacks.
- Mind-Body Integration:
- Pair cognitive restructuring with somatic practices like breathwork during high-stress moments.
- Mindset Shifts:
- Normalize imperfection by actively recalling examples where mistakes led to growth.
- Redefine success by creating metrics emphasizing effort, learning, and personal fulfillment over external accolades.
- Key Insight: Sustainable high performance requires addressing the emotional roots of overachievement rather than perpetuating cycles of achievement-as-validation.
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- Raw Beauty Lab's plant-based collagen powder, backed by over 1,000 positive reviews, helps to support smoother, younger-looking skin in as little as 28 days and offers a 10% discount on first orders.
- Women are especially vulnerable to internalizing the pressure to perform perfectly and linking performance to self-worth, compared to men, research suggests.
- In healthcare and wellness industries, there is an increased focus on addressing mental health, including women's health, alongside physical health, reflecting a symbiotic relationship between mind and body.
